{"id":818,"date":"2026-08-10T08:21:00","date_gmt":"2026-08-10T08:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relationshipbloginfo.com\/?p=818"},"modified":"2026-08-10T08:21:00","modified_gmt":"2026-08-10T08:21:00","slug":"love-is-a-skill-not-a-feeling-alain-de-botton-full-interview","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/relationshipbloginfo.com\/?p=818","title":{"rendered":"Love is a skill, not a feeling | Alain de Botton: Full Interview"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\" src=\"\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/kRMcimuuk0Q\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Become a Big Think member to unlock expert classes, premium print issues, exclusive events and more: https:\/\/bigthink.com\/membership\/?utm_source=youtube&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_campaign=yt_desc<\/p>\n<p>Subscribe to Big Think on YouTube \u25ba https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/channel\/UCvQECJukTDE2i6aCoMnS-Vg?sub_confirmation=1<br \/>\nUp next, The science of sex, love, and attachment | Dr. Helen Fisher: Full Interview \u25ba https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ORAaaBevtT4<\/p>\n<p>We want to believe that love is guided by instinct, and that following our heart will lead us to our ideal soulmate. Alain de Botton argues that our romantic lives are shaped more by the emotional patterns we learned in childhood than by destiny. <\/p>\n<p>0:14 Chapter 1: Our destructive romantic culture<br \/>\n1:42 How romanticism reshaped love<br \/>\n7:17 The cultural myths that sabotage love<br \/>\n10:02 Chapter 2: Lessons on love from psychotherapy<br \/>\n11:20 What childhood teaches us about love<br \/>\n14:20 Attachment theory and early separation<br \/>\n17:25 When familiarity matters more than happiness<br \/>\n24:40 Chapter 3: The playbook for a successful relationship<br \/>\n26:41 How are you crazy?<br \/>\n29:24 What therapy makes possible<br \/>\n34:41 Why you will marry the wrong person<br \/>\n42:33 Social media and the blame reflex<br \/>\n47:25 Chapter 4: Overcoming status anxiety and loneliness<br \/>\n49:00 Status anxiety in a secular age<br \/>\n50:30 The lost safety valves of older societies<br \/>\n52:31 The need for secular temples<br \/>\n55:02 Love as the bridge out of isolation<\/p>\n<p>Read the video transcript \u25ba https:\/\/bigthink.com\/series\/full-interview\/why-healthy-love-feels-uncomfortable\/?utm_source=youtube&amp;utm_medium=video&amp;utm_campaign=youtube_description<\/p>\n<p>\u00a9 Freethink Media Inc., All Rights Reserved.<\/p>\n<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;- <\/p>\n<p>Go Deeper with Big Think:<\/p>\n<p>\u25baBecome a Big Think Youtube Member<br \/>\nGet exclusive classes and early, ad-free access to new releases without leaving Youtube. https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@bigthink\/membership\/<\/p>\n<p>\u25baBecome a Big Think Web Member<br \/>\nGet the entire Big Think Class library, premium print issues, live events, and more.<br \/>\nhttps:\/\/bigthink.com\/membership\/ <\/p>\n<p>\u25baSubscribe to Big Think on Substack<br \/>\nGet all of your favorite Big Think content delivered to your inbox.<br \/>\nhttps:\/\/bigthinkmedia.substack.com\/subscribe\/ <\/p>\n<p>\u25baListen to Big Think Interviews on Spotify<br \/>\nInsights from the world&#8217;s biggest thinkers, now as a podcast<br \/>\n<iframe title=\"Spotify Embed: Young people say their lives feel fake. Here\u2019s why | Arthur Brooks\" style=\"border-radius: 12px\" width=\"624\" height=\"351\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen allow=\"autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/show\/7KRYoRD1NdF2aoQcBMyPlb\/video?utm_source=oembed\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;- <\/p>\n<p>About Alain de Botton:<\/p>\n<p>Alain de Botton was born in Zurich, Switzerland in 1969 and now lives in London. He is a writer of essayistic books that have been described as a &#8216;philosophy of everyday life.&#8217; He\u2019s written on love, travel, architecture and literature. His books have been bestsellers in 30 countries. Alain also started and helps to run a school in London called The School of Life, dedicated to a new vision of education. Alain&#8217;s latest book is titled Religion for Atheists and is published in the Netherlands, Italy, Korea, Turkey and Brazil in 2011 and in the UK, US and other territories in 2012.<\/p>\n<p>Alain started writing at a young age. His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], was published when he was twenty-three.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Become a Big Think member to unlock expert classes, premium print issues, exclusive events and more: https:\/\/bigthink.com\/membership\/?utm_source=youtube&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_campaign=yt_desc Subscribe to Big [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":819,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-818","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v17.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/relationshipbloginfo.com\/?p=818\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Love is a skill, not a feeling | Alain de Botton: Full Interview - 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